Say It Again (Things My Doctor Told Me)
You got sleeved! Congratulations! It's a great feeling, to be able to walk into a store and not have to worry about whether they have clothes to fit you, or flagging down a flight attendant to give you a seatbelt extender. I bet your friends on social media love the twenty selfies you now post a week (and fire those bitches if they don't YASSSSSSSS every one of them). With the flurry of activity going on around you at the moment, keeping your water and protein counts straight, there are some real, practical things you can do to help yourself, from one person who is well on the journey to one who is just starting. Think of this post as future you doing present you a solid.
Find a Food Buddy
Not all restaurants will take your weight loss surgery card and allow you to order reduced fare/kiddie sized meals. Although it’s the nice, decent thing to do, they are losing money on you. Thus, it is their prerogative (THEIRS! IT’S THEIRS THEIRS THEIRS THEIRS THIERRRRRS!) to honor or not. So, when going out to eat, take someone who will share food with you.
Put that Patrón DOWN!
Your tolerance is not what you remember it to be. You get drunk much quicker, and on less liquor than it used to take before the surgery. This could be dangerous because it could put you in a situation in which you are too impaired to make good decisions. Worse, someone could take advantage of that impairment.
Lemon Pepper Wings and Potato Skins are not Your Friend
If you’re sleeved, you’ll give yourself bad reflux, and you can't eat all that shit anyway. Gastric bypass people can’t indulge either, because your body cannot process fats the same way it used to. Unless you like day-glow poop and hiccups, this is a bad look.
Carbs Will Make You Look Pregnant
Carbs can be fucking delicious, said The Carb Monster, but they also take up space where real food needs to go. While you’re waiting to make room, all those delicious carbs expand in your stomach and make people give up seats for you on the train without asking. Maybe skip the dinner rolls and pizza while you wait for dinner?
Take Sweaters Everywhere
You don’t have as much body fat as insulation to warm you up when it gets cold. I'm nearly four years out, and people give me the stink eye when I insist on sitting outside to eat in ninety-five degree temperatures. My ex-girlfriend had her snuggie laid out for me whenever I came over to hang out, because she knew this new body couldn’t tolerate anything below seventy-five degrees.
(It just feels good, okay? Stop judging me.)
Always Bring an Extra Pair of Drawers and Baby Wipes
Especially if you choose to ignore rules 2 and 3. Don't ask me how I know this.
Clean Out Your Fridge Regularly
You can usually keep food for no more than three days. If it’s Wednesday and you still haven’t eaten the leftover Chicken Murphy from Sunday night, it's a wrap. Not a Chicken Murphy wrap, even though that sounds delicious. Whatever. Eat leftovers quickly or throw them out.
Have another tip for someone who is newly sleeved? Leave it in the comments below!